The Faces Of Abuse

Abuse has many faces but they can be easily recognizable by three. The first is the Bad Mood, then comes the Violent Jerk and finally the Apologetic. You will see others in each individual abuser but these three are universal.
The Bad Mood will sometimes sneak up on you because everybody has bad days and bad moods. This particular face will make itself known though, because it doesn't go away. I call this the walking on eggshells stage. Everybody knows how hateful he can be so they tip toe around trying to keep him happy. It really is impossible though, because sooner or later that second face is going to show up.
The Violent Jerk doesn't need a reason to hit or choke. He doesn't have to be pushed, aggravated or yelled at. A lot of people miss the transition from Bad Mood to Violent Jerk until he actually strikes out. It could happen while your asleep or in the shower. You don't know until your being dragged out of bed that there is a problem. At this point you are the reason for all his misgivings and yours. Popular words for him are whore, lazy, stupid and worthless. Quickly following this face is Apologetic.
Apologetic is the one that can sometimes stay for a while, which makes it all the more dangerous. He begs for forgiveness and swears it will never happen again. Some of them will even claim blackouts and that they don't remember hitting you. Women have also been known to get gifts at this point. Truth be known, he really doesn't think he did anything wrong. This face hangs out a lot, sometimes for days, other times for weeks and even months. Women get sucked into a false sense of security, they think the storm is over. They are making a fatal mistake. This cycle of abuse always starts again. I have known one imparticular man for almost 20 years and as far as this cycle goes, he has never let me down. He is an abuser and until he seeks help and truly tries to change this personality flaw, he will remain an abuser.
Women can not change this cycle, all they can do is take themselves out of the cycle, either permanently or until therapy has been deemed successful. I won't lie, a successful rehabilitation of an abuser, is rare, because they don't believe they are doing anything wrong. They believe it is their job to control the family by any and all means.

The research for this blog was done at the following link:
http://www.americancatholic.org/Newsletters/YU/ay0694.asp